- My ex gf from before I got engaged.
- That girl in Edinburgh who invited me back into her room to smoke hash and told me about her boyfriend’s impotence problems and then when she worked out I was only interested in the hash she accused me of stealing her drugs and got me thrown out of the share house.
- Same trip: the male bagpipe player in Edinburgh who cooked me jugged kippers and then tried to feel me up in my sleep.
- The silly girl in Ireland who came to my room in the middle of the night asking me if I could teach her how to ‘play the guitar’.
- The girl in the bar in London who told me that her husband was basically a sucker and would let her cheat on him, and then, told me it would be OK to cheat on my wife just so long as I never told her. I can still recall her shocked look at my third, obviously genuine rejection. How could I possibly turn her down when she was so wonderful?
- The Irish Catholic girl who told me she was a virgin and then asked me to come and ‘do her hair.’
- The American lady in Cambridge who genuinely did ask me to come up and see her etchings and when I said no, she blatantly pretended to cry to make me feel bad.
- The bored girl in London in the see-through mesh top. I told her that in the end family is more important than friends and she still asked me home. Jeez get the hint, lady. She didn’t seem to give a crap when I said no, so I guess that is at least some kudos for her.
- The woman at work who kept obviously shit-testing me until I told her that women who shit-test married men are idiots.
- The other woman in my old scene who told me she was very attracted to me and then bitched about her current boyfriend, who is a decent guy, being boring.
- The girl at the bar near where I live who asked me to buy her a drink and leaned all over me and when I told her I was only there to watch football because I do not have cable, she told me to go fuck myself and said “tell your wife I feel sorry for her.” Bitch.
- The other girl in London who was in her mid twenties, and still had to get her friend to come up and ask me if I was interested. Yeah, is your friend going to be there in the bed as well? Her friend was awful anyway.
- The lady who really did ask: what is a nice guy like you doing in a place like this, and followed up with, do you want to come home with me, and was then offended when I politely said no thank you, I am married.
- The awful drunk girl in the bar in Parramatta who asked me if she could be my chickadee. Later I overheard her talking to some other guys about how she was interested in trying BDSM because she had been spanked a lot by her Dad as a girl. I think her name was Fakey McCliche or something.
- The only recent one – a vapid woman on a plane who kept asking questions straight out of ‘how to shit test guys 101’ even despite the fact that I was obviously failing all the tests and she was clearly offending and annoying me. You could see her thinking: ‘dude that is not what you are supposed to say! You are all supposed to be all funny and cocky! Don’t you want to get laid?’
I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS:
- Is this a large number? Or do hottt married men get hit on like once a week? Because my rate is about once a year and about half of them were only half-heated anyway. The gay guy was the only one who even cooked me a meal.
- Do I look like a cheater?
- Why are there so many morally repulsive people out there, and, why do only such stupid / boring / immoral women hit on me since I got married? Or is that just self-evident?
- Why do some women think that telling you about their current boyfriends’ inadequacies will get you interested? It is like: “Hi, I make bad choices! And I choose you!”
- Why do these women think that their own preparedness to cheat automatically means everyone else will? And why the fuck do they get offended when you say no?
- Where can I meet some more decent people?
- Why am I apparently so much hotter in the UK?
- How come only one of these attempts is at all recent? Is it because of my beer gut? Because honestly, nothing else has changed, I’m just me with more fat in my abdomen and I don’t see why that is a big deal.
- Why do single women who hit on guys get so offended when you say no? Like, fair enough to ask but don’t take that risk if you are going to get all upset.
- And, why don’t they look at the damn ring? It’s pretty much what it’s for.
- Would I get laid more if I was single and is there any possibility it would be any good?
Actually, I pretty much know the answer to that last one.