best non-sex-related spam e-mail I’ve received

ATTENTION: SIR/MADAM.

For your information, we have been authorized by the President Barrack Obama to get everyone who is involved in money laundry and terrorism; this was as a result of what happened by a Nigerian man with reported links to al-Qaida who tried to blow up a US airliner with a new type of explosive device on Friday the 25th December before he was Subdue by passengers in what officials said was an attempted Christmas Day terror.

Now your name has also been included in the list of terrorism and money laundry because you have been taking this matter for granted since but now we have started taking our legal action because no one is above the law and we cannot allow anyone to bring shame to our country, since you have decided not to cooperate with us by furnishing us with the required certificate, we have therefore forwarded your name and information including your picture to the office of the Presidency as he required and right now he has warned us seriously and ordered that we should get everyone arrested and charge them to court immediately because this is not a childish play.

The best you can do right now is to forward to us the certificate that is FBI Identification Record and Tax Clearance so that we can forward it to the President and tell him that you earned the fund legally and not a money laundry or for sponsoring terrorism because this is what we are going to charge you of course you know the penalty and our government will not tolerate it any longer. For your information, you have only 3 working days to provide it otherwise you will be arrested immediately and hand your case file over to the presidency.

The ball is in your court, note that the person you will contact that will help you to get the certificate is Peter Benson Esq from London, United Kingdom. We are now back and ready to take up this case to any level because we cannot seat down and watch not only foreigners but also our own citizens to involve in illegal action, especially in money laundry and terrorism.

Be warned and don’t fail to get back to us immediately otherwise you will hear our knock on your door with hand-cuff, on your return to this message, we are going to confirm the email address of Peter Benson Esq so that you can contact him for the issuance of the certificate.

We look forward to hear from you today.

THANKS FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION.

ROBERT MUELLER, III
Anti-Terrorist and Monetary Crimes Division
Fbi Headquarters In Washington, D.C.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation

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This entry was posted in Savage Nerdery, Science!, Technology. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to best non-sex-related spam e-mail I’ve received

  1. janet5 says:

    I appreciate the fact that you are not a money laundry. But this sounds pretty legit to me. Isn’t it, after all, perfectly representative of the intellectual legacy of the Bush regime?

  2. k- says:

    The second paragraph — all one sentence — is actually kind of beautiful.

  3. Costa says:

    THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT

    WHAT’CHOO GONNA DO

  4. Daisy Anne says:

    That shit is GOLD.

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