William McDouchebag from your past wants to be friends on facebook

ugh.

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About sjmckenzie

Writer. Celticist. Banjo picker. Family Man.
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10 Responses to William McDouchebag from your past wants to be friends on facebook

  1. janet5 says:

    Was it the same William McDouchebag who beat the crap out of you on the playground when you were eleven, trashed your bike, and peed on your math book? Somehow, those are the kinds of people who forgot why it was we didn’t want to be their friends anymore in real life.

    I’m not on facebook, largely because I like the idea that my past stays in my past. Also because I suspect that facebook would turn into another one of those bloggy-type things where I’d have great intentions of keeping it updated and exciting, but I’d give up after a month or so (re: that earlier DFP post).

  2. Steve says:

    This particular William was not a beater, more of a beatee. But he was a slaven gossip and hopelessly fickle.

    I don’t know if you watch Community, but I fear he is a ‘gateway douchebag.’ That is, if I accept his request, several other more hideous douchebags will think it cool to ask me, too.
    I have messaged him asking what he wants.

    I have been on facebook about a year, but very low key. But I recently got friended by a real old friend and now I am starting to show up on the “people you might know” radar. And yeah, these are the sort of people that are entirely oblivious to why other people might not have wanted to hang around with them.

  3. I only accept friend requests from hideous douchebags. Everybody else posts too many inspirational Maya Angelou quotations and/or blurry cell phone pics of their fascinating meals. Sometimes the douchebags do that too, but then you can berate them with foul language and name calling with impunity.

  4. Steve says:

    Everybody else posts too many inspirational Maya Angelou quotations and/or blurry cell phone pics of their fascinating meals.

    I know the type. I have one friend who has actually made their house into a location page, and regularly used to post about what they had for dinner, as though it were an event.

    The ‘unsubscribe from status updates by this user’ button is actually one of my better friends on Facebook.

  5. Steevo says:

    what irks me are the self-congratulating “memes” about “a REAL father does x, y, z, and occasionally f” or whatever. folks, seriously. stop it. Just do what’s right and post a “daily jam” (musical tune) like me.

  6. FB is a great tool for finding out which kids you went to school with are now racists.

  7. sjmckenzie says:

    The end to this story is that after I asked McDouchebag what he wanted, he wrote back and said “Just checking to see if you were still a real asshole,” then, wrote back two days later and apologized and told me that he is getting into Facebook but not taking it too seriously and not getting offended, and then, told all this really personal stuff about things that happened in 1995 and about his incredibly philosophical view on life.

    This is a person I have not seen in thirteen years you understand. His status in ‘single’.

    I have not responded to any of these messages and it has now stopped.

    But I feel somewhat justified in having rejected his request seeing as he is obviously a dick.
    I wish he was overtly racist too. That would make it easier. But he is probably the type that thinks all black people are really hip and cool, and Asians are super-smart and geek-sexy.

  8. k- says:

    Did he think you had become a fake asshole?

    I had a fake asshole once. It was weird.
    [leaves forum before getting pelted by rotten vegetables]

  9. sjmckenzie says:

    I would so pelt you if we met.

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