Funny how I saw this on the internet today and last night I got my first real taste of New York City Asshole Cop.
So I was out in the Lower East Side, hanging out, doing the illegal and all that and after a couple of Guinesses, my friends and I decide to get some food. We head out in search of the nearest food truck. It didn’t take too long to find one, obviously. We order, and we hang around waiting. Not two minutes later, we hear cop sirens and they get closer and pull up to the corner right next to the food truck. These 3 fucking cops, two men and one woman, jump out of the car like a street gang and start literally harassing the poor Jewish guy over his Food License or whatever and how he’s supposed to have it on. That’s all the woman keeps repeating, “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE WEARING IT.”
The older-looking guy walks up to where we’re standing (leaning on the windows of a bank) and points to the door. He yells at the vendor, “You know you’re supposed to be blah blah feet from an entrance don’t you?!” The vendor’s so scared or nervous or angry that he’s shaking as he puts his hand in his pants pocket and takes out a digital camera. He starts snapping pictures and replies, “It says EXIT.” Which it did, above the door. But arguably, an exit is also an entrance and all that bullshit. Anyway, the cop replies, “ARE YOU THAT STUPID?!” and he said something else but I kind of lost at that point and just glared at him. And he noticed and gave me a creepy smile, and the rest of my group was too weirded out to really say or do anything as I had this weird standoff with this fucking ponytail-having wannabe Kenny G motherfucker.
And the vendor is taking video now, and in some weird act of defiance (?) Lieutenant Kenny G takes out his smartphone and starts taking pictures as well. Including one of me glaring at him. The vendor apologizes to us, and I tell him it’s alright and good luck and we start to leave. I was pissed that I couldn’t really do anything. I wanted to give him my money and make myself my food, but seeing as I was tipsy, high, and underage, I knew that could just make me such an easy target for the cops. So instead I just kept my eyes steady on Kenny G, said, “Thanks for protecting us from the evil food vendor, I know that’s your number one priority, fucking pig.” and walked away.
It’s times like these I wish I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth or rich parents that could bail me out because I tried to get even with an evil cop. Maybe I should just make my $35.62 savings account my “Bail Fund”.