assaulted by penis

Actually, the headline is almost as good as the story.

Legless Lithuanian attacks copper with todger
‘Evasive action’ prevents spam truncheon injury

By Lester Haines

A legless Lithuanian who “assaulted a female police officer with his penis” has been fined £600 for his trouble, the BBC reports.

Marium Varinauskas, 28, got so rat-arsed that his girlfriend called cops to their Aberdeen flat. They arrived at 1am on 15 November “to find the self-employed engineer sitting on the sofa wearing a pair of underpants”.

Officers apparently sat down on a neighbouring couch, at which point Varinauskas decided to whip out his lethal weapon.

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One Response to assaulted by penis

  1. Costa says:

    Frankly, I’m just amazed we as a nation haven’t accidentally bombed Lithuania on the way to Moscow or whatever yet.

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