i’m tired of being relentlessly optimistic- J’accuse!

I’ve been so busy doing pointless things- like raising Jonas-worshipping brats and graduating from clown college- that i only checked pp like twice over the last 5 yrs. i got all wrapped up in weird native stuff again, like planning powwows and being hated, that i almost forgot my salad days that weren’t. it is amazing how much being Indian is like being a punk:

1. everyone hates you. or seems to because of the unbearable nihilism. read- “are you being sarcastic?” “ohhh, i don’t even know anymore.” Isn’t learned helplessness darling?

2. no one graduates from high school, and if they do, their ability to read alienates others. note- this is somewhat sarcastic, but only slightly.

3. everyone accuses everyone else of being a sell-out, being a bia infiltrator, other various paranioa.

4. there is constant pressure to prove how indian you are. especially in as visual and blatant a way as possible. to the point of caricature or stereotype. and still, they plot your downfall. crabs in buckets.

5. eventually, even the most committed and sincere give up and disappear into the anonymous cities and suburbs, giving into dockers and rearing children who know nothing of mommy and daddys’ loved and pained glory days.

yeah. that was fun.

so no one told me watchmaker was gone. i knew the magazine was folding, but i never thought the boards would. i checked about 3 yrs ago, and had the disgusted realization that i had once DEFENDED emo. yuck. there were near nothing but make-out club scensters discussing the merits of pedro the lions latest album. I’m sure they were lovely and all, but i dove for cover. so i missed all of jonny’s baiting and pretending to leave. and todd’s pretend blog. and the time to grieve this thing that ya’ll have had. i found a eulogy on youtube with some of you on it , and it was like two friggin yrs old!  needless to say, i cried my big baby eyes out. i can’t find the archives i need. i need dorkus and seitan virtual slugfests. i need jonny’s pathetic vitriol. i can’t pretend to be over it or that i really wish i hadn’t fallen out of touch and spoken again to people who aren’t even alive anymore. or met almost all of you who showed after my absence. i need to write this out. and if this was on old pp, i would be banished. i almost want that. but i do appreciate the general tone of maturity here. very strange. sound of crickets or whooping crane would be good now. but i am glad to be here now.

“Hello. My name is Nicole, and I’m a Punkaholic” maybe i am a xxEmoxx. sick.

About chartreuseviolet

i only came back to bask in my own pathetic nostalgia. no one fucking cares anyway, so i could write anything about your mother here. she's great in bed, by the way. note: i heart howbouthemgolfshoes, wombmoon, taco porches, lonestar beers with the fist, dc mikewhereareyou? and dr. dorkus too?, bobRIP, soundofcrickets, beating unicorns, seitan, robothouse, chris the hipster lawl!, so many more. god, i'm fucking old and pitiful. fav bands of moment: low failure simon joyner ZOOM! hum fugazi tripping daisy my bloody valentine the cure mew fever ray ender mousetrap sonic youth whatever crap blah blah fav booksies: weaveworld (no, it's not about hair weaves and latifah is not in it) better than sex banned in dc no blacks, no irish, no dogs please kill me lipstick traces anger is an energy the loneranger and tonto fistfight in heaven anything by adrian louis, like skins shellshaker almanac of the dead other shit pp had a zine list and it made me laugh. like i fucking read zines anymore. that might require leaving my house and being cool, which i am not. i didn't even know there were zines anymore. doesn't everybody fucking blog or some other retarded shit? fav films: fuck, that's a long list. not doing it. no one is reading this anyway. pp had a band question too, so here's my VERY IMPORTANT ANSWER: anyone that wants to form one with me right fucking now! or shit i do by myself.
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5 Responses to i’m tired of being relentlessly optimistic- J’accuse!

  1. Great Southern Steve says:

    but i do appreciate the general tone of maturity here

    yeah, it’s all right I guess. it will get a little bland, though.

    Seeing as we’re all getting on so “well”, you could try flame-bating other websites?

    Speaking of which, I’m considering writing a catchy muzak song about how much I hate the BCO. This might draw some vitriol from outside at least, even though they are all hackers and it could be kinda risky.

    Could be worth a try, anyway.

  2. chartreuseviolet says:

    BCO? Bird Carvers Online? Biodiversity Convention Office? Bristol Concert Orchestra? Sounds like fun!! As much as I do appreciate a good hateful string of adjectives directed at unlikeable someones, I suppose I prefer tranquility. But it would be nice to contrive an elaborate war with some other brilliant site. Something epic and ridiculous and full of thinly disguised love.

  3. Great Southern Steve says:


    And no, this would be actual genuine disdain and mockery, with thinly disguised disdain and mockery.

  4. kristof says:

    I always thought there was no need for optimism anyway…

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